Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Sad News After All These Years

Wednesday, April 11th, 2018
I have some really sad news to share with you. My love Callie Golden Retriever left us early in the morning of Sunday, April 1, 2018. Barbara and I took her to the animal emergency hospital Saturday night, because she was very lethargic. She was conscious and able to walk, but clearly stressed. The doctors found that she was bleeding internally, but they were unable to find the source of the bleeding to stop it. It turned out that a tumor had popped in her liver; there was nothing that could be done. I started this blog in 2006 to talk about my book My Doggie Says: Messages from Jamie. This book was about my efforts to understand the communications of Jamie Golden Retriever, our beloved pet from 1994 until 2006.  I knew there were times when she was trying to tell me something, if only I could decipher her communication.  The book is a collection of photographs and fun interpretations of her messages. When Jamie left us December, 2006, I didn’t think I could ever have such a #dogbonding relationship.  (BTW, I initiated the “dogbonding” hashtag in about 2008.)  But then Callie came along and proved me wrong. One of the endorsements for My Doggie Says was written by Dr. Christine Omoto, Jamie’s vet. She said, “Everyone is going to want a dog like Jamie. But it will be another spirit, another life, another joy.” Her message could not have been more prophetic about. Callie.   Callie was indeed another spirit, another life, another joy.  She brought incredible joy to our family every minute of every day but in many ways very different from Jamie. Callie quickly became a great communicator.  I really believe that the “dog interpretation” skills I learned from Jamie reinforced Callie’s attempts to communicate.  And we both continued to improve, which led to a warm and beautiful relationship between us. We watched Callie grow as a tiny puppy from a few days after her birth until she was eight weeks old and ready to move to her new home.  Her breeder had marked all the puppies with colored markers so we could tell them apart.  Callie was “Green Girl.”  She was pretty tiny, but she quickly learned how to take care of herself around her siblings. The day Callie arrived at our home in March, 2007, she saw an under-inflated rubber “soccer” ball in our backyard.   She ran to the other side of it and looked up at me as if to say, “OK, Fred, show me what you've got”. And she trapped the ball under her tiny tummy. This photo was in one of my first blogs about Callie. Here is another early photo of Callie the soccer player:   Believe it or not, every evening that we were at our home—for the last 11 years and one month—weather permitting, Callie came to my office at home and invited me to play soccer.  If I was busy, she would wait patiently until I got up from my desk.  Then we would walk together into my bedroom and Callie would watch while I changed into my soccer shoes.  Then we proceeded to the back yard.  Callie looked back every few steps to make sure I was following.  Then, when we got to the ball, she looked back over her shoulder to make sure I picked it up. At first, she just trapped the ball under her tummy like she did in the photo above.  But as she grew, she started to “bonk” the ball off her nose.  Her “bonks” made a loud noise and sent the ball flying. Here’s a wonderful video of Callie playing soccer: At the end of every soccer match, Callie would trap the ball under her tummy in a “keep away” move.  And then we would do four right and left “high fives.” On the last day of her life, Callie came to get me to play soccer.  But she only had enough energy for one “bonk.”  I could tell something was very wrong, but I didn’t know yet what it was. Like most golden retrievers, Callie had a great disposition.  She was very easy going, mellow and calm.  But beyond that, she was the most outgoing and social dog I’ve ever been around.  She loved to meet people and dogs.  Almost every person who saw her knew that she would be friendly and asked to pet her.  She was extremely extroverted with other dogs—large and small.  She was very submissive and never provoked an angry response in the other dog.  Even with small dogs, she would get low to the ground and try to keep her head below the other dog’s head so the smaller dog would not be intimidated.  She had lots of dog and people friends in our neighborhood, and she and Barbara saw many of them daily on their morning exercise walk.  She was always a hit when we walked in Lake Arrowhead village.  All the kids wanted to pet her. We met many wonderful and friendly people and dogs because of Callie. Callie had a never-ending list of amazing qualities.  She proved again that dogs love routine and ritual.  They like activities to be repetitive and predictable.  Here are some of the “rituals” that made her so much a part of our family:
  • Callie was an initiator; she often invited us to participate in an activity, and she was always finding ways to entertain herself.
  • Every evening, most mornings, and some night times, Callie presented herself beside our bed for “scratches,” which started with her head and ears and often turned into a full body massage.
  • Callie often “snorted” as if she wished she could make sounds like a human. One time, after she lost a close golden retriever friend, she sat down in my office with her paw on my leg and snorted for about 10 minutes, as if to share her grief with me.
  • Every morning, Callie greeted me by sitting down and asking for a nose-to-nose snuggle and “good morning” snorting conversation.
  • Every morning, Callie shared a tiny corner of my fiber cookie.
  • Every morning, Callie and Barbara went for a jog or a walk in our neighborhood. As part of their outing, they always sat on one of the big boulders in a landscaped area at the end of our street.  And then on the way home they shared a moment on a bench at the nearby golf course which honors a friend of mine.
  • She loved to hop into my car to go for errands, including picking up a takeaway bowl of soup for lunch at a nearby market.
  • The best thing about soup for lunch was getting to share the oyster crackers and lick the bowl after.
  • As if she learned from her agility champion parents, Callie would “tightrope” walk on every curb she could find; including some very narrow ones.
  • On their morning walk, Callie and Barbara often visited with as many as a dozen people and dog friends.
  • Callie loved to hike at Lake Arrowhead; it was another place to meet people and dogs.
  • When it was time to wind down in the evening, Callie would walk to our bedroom to retrieve one of her soft furry toys. Then she would “gum it” like a pacifier.
  • At Lake Arrowhead she loved to be on the outdoor decks; she learned to ask politely to be let outdoors and then to be let back indoors if the door was closed.
  • Every trip to Lake Arrowhead, Callie walked down the steep hillside of our property to help me set up my game camera. Then, on our last day, she went back with me to see if we captured any images of coyotes, bears, or bobcats (which we occasionally did).
  • Late every afternoon, Callie came to my office at home at invited me to go outside and play soccer; she had a specific look that only meant, “Hey, Fred, t’s time to play soccer.”
  • She could be incredibly persistent about starting our soccer or her morning walk. For our soccer game, she would wait patiently in my office or in the yard for over an hour, if necessary.
  • A few times when Callie and I walked outside for our soccer match, I forgot to pick up the ball. Callie always looked back over her shoulder to make sure I brought it along.
  • Callie had water bowls in several parts of the house. If any of them was low on water, she would find Barbara or me and ask politely for a top-up.
  • Callie loved to go for boat rides at Lake Arrowhead and she loved it when I fished. When I caught a bass, sometimes she would walk over and give it a lick before I threw it back.
  • Her favorite place to sit in the boat was at the very front of the box. If I was riding in the stern, she would come to get me and invite me to sit with her in the bow facing the wind.
  • Every morning, Callie shared a bowl of cereal with me in my office. She would get a bran flake or two, and then she would lick the yogurt from my bowl when I was finished.
  • At the end of every soccer game, we did “high fives.” Callie would sit down and reach way up with her left paw, then her right, then her left, and then her right.  Each high five was rewarded with a small puppy treat.
If you read My Doggie Says, you know that Jamie loved to jump off our boat dock at Lake Arrowhead and retrieve her floating Frisbee.  Well, Callie learned to swim when she was just a few months old, and she loved retrieving the Frisbee every bit as much as Jamie.  I have photos of both swimming toward shore with the Frisbee, and it’s hard to tell the difference between Jamie and Callie. In an incredible bit of timing, our neighborhood magazine, Valmonte Life, featured Barbara and me and Callie on its cover for March, 2018.  The photographer captured some wonderful images of Callie, including the one on the cover, which was clearly chosen because Callie looked great and not because of me. One of my favorite hobbies is photography, and I probably have thousands of images of Callie.  Part of my grieving therapy will be to create a Callie memory book. On this blog and on Twitter or Facebook, when I learned that someone had lost a pet, I always recommended that they visit the Pet Loss list of poems:  http://www.petloss.com/poems/poems.htm  It has a wonderful collection of poems about pets and the pain of losing them.  I always suggested that people read Rudyard Kipling’s poem, “Dinah In Heaven.”  Now, I guess I need to recommend that to myself.  I will read it again. I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last post.  I’ve been focused on my work and on writing a new book about high tech startup companies: The Fundable Startup: How Disruptive Companies Attract Capital.  It was published on February 6, 2018, by SelectBooks.  https://amzn.to/2q8fjdd  If you’re interested in startups, check it out. I will probably continue to focus primarily on my high-tech life, but it’s been salving to look back at this blog.  Especially some of the early posts about the wonderful Callie.  It’s been a lovely trip down memory lane, and I will revisit it more often. There is probably another golden retriever in my future, but not right away.    

Hero Dog Awards 2012

Tuesday, November 20th, 2012
The 2012, Hero Dog Awards were presented on November 8, 2012, at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, in Los Angeles.  This is always a very inspirational program. Here's a summary from dogtipper.com. Here's a three-minute audio clip from the "Dog Appreciation Lessons" CD, in which Michael Hingson describes that fateful day in New York City, on September 11, 2011.   Here's my interview from last year with Michael Hingson, whose dog, Roselle, won the 2011, Hero Dog Award for leading Michael and some other people out of the World Trade Center on September 11,k 2001:    

Thinking About Renting a Dog? Check with Barley, Labrador Retriever and Rent-A-Dog: Podcast

Monday, October 29th, 2012
Can you imagine being a dog with more than one home to go to every week?  Well,  I interviewed Barley, a Labrador Retriever and Rent-A-Dog, to find out what it's like for him.  Here's a short sample from Barley.   And here's the full interview:  

I Am So Attached to this Dog!

Wednesday, October 10th, 2012
This photo was taken on a recent fishing trip at Lake Arrowhead.  Callie loves to go fishing.  Actually, she loves just about everything at Lake Arrowhead, but she's really in her element on our boat, cruising from fishing spot to fishing spot, sniffing my bass before I release them back into the lake, and roaming around the boat without her leash. She's a terrific fishing buddy.  She obviously loves being on the boat and letting her coat blow in the wind as we cruise around the lake.  She starts to get excited when she sees my fishing rod bend down from the weight of a fish.  She watches attentively while I net a fish and remove the hook.  (I release all the bass I catch.)  And she usually takes a sniff, or a lick, at my catch before I put it back in the lake. I've had a lot of dogs, and, as you know, I wrote a book about Jamie Golden Retriever ("My Doggie Says...: Messages from Jamie"), but I've never had a dog that participates as much as Callie.  She's part of the team, and she knows what she's supposed to do every step of the way.  When we first get on our boat, Callie is on her leash -- so she won't dive into the lake and do one of her other favorite things -- go for a swim.  But once she's on the boat, the leash comes off.  It was easy to train her to stay inside the boat.  All it took was a couple of corrections when she started to climb up on the bow or the stern.  Now she roams freely on the boat, and she's obviously proud to have so much freedom. Some dogs would just be a "bump on a log."  They might just go along for the ride, but not Callie.  She interacts and participates every step of the way.  She asks for fresh water if her water bowl is low.  She looks for a comfortable place to sit -- or lie -- sometimes in the sun, sometimes in the shade.  On a hot summer day, she will ask me to put up the bimini top, so she'll have some shade to lie in.  When we leave one fishing spot for another, she looks for a place to sit beside me.  Sometimes, she'll wait to climb up on the seat until I move a fishing rod or boat line out of the way.  Always interacting, and always extremely polite. If you follow this blog, you know  that Callie and I play soccer every day.  Here's what that looks like. [Youtube= This has been an incredible bonding process.  Callie's focus "comes and goes" during our soccer matches.  So I've had to learn how to adapt to, and "manage", her focus and attention span.  Sometimes, Callie gets off to a hot start and then loses interest.  Sometimes, she has a difficult time getting started.  I've learned a few tricks about keeping her interest level up.  If she gets completely distracted (by eating grass, for example) it usually works to "stop" the game (literally, put the ball away) and then "start" it again. We've gone through a couple of periods (a few days, perhaps) when Callie just didn't seem very interested in playing soccer.  One thing I've noticed this summer, though, is that usually after a few days at Lake Arrowhead, she attacks the soccer game with more vigor than ever.  She'll play for ten minutes without letup, answering my every kick with a "noser" -- a "bonk" off her Golden Retriever nose. As I try to tune into her energy levels, I've discovered that her "focus" sometimes reflects mine.  If I'm distracted and thinking about some work issue, Callie seems to lose interest.  If I work hard at staying "in the present" and staying focused on the game, she gets more "into it."  It's almost as if she is training me to stay focused and "in the moment."  Is Callie my Zen-Dog Person Trainer? My relationship with Callie goes far beyond fishing and soccer.  Callie is the most socially interactive dog I've ever been around.  She has several doggie boyfriends in the neighborhood, and, when she sees them coming, she gets very excited -- wagging her tail and rushing to say "hello."  But it's not every dog; she's selective. Callie is the same with people.  If she sees a people friend, she either rushes to say "hi," or she sits and waits for the person to catch up.   When she's walking near, or on, the nearby golf course, Callie is always looking for greens keeper Jeff -- or his red golf cart.  Jeff is probably Callie's favorite person outside our family.  Because Callie is so friendly, I have made a lot of new friends -- both dog friends and people friends. One of the most endearing things that Callie does is to sit down beside me and "ask" me to scratch her throat and neck.  This can happen when I'm working in my office, watching TV, or sleeping soundly at 2:00 in the morning.  It doesn't matter; I'm always glad to accommodate her request.  The message seems to be, "Just checking to make sure everything's OK." This kind of #dogbonding has a spiritual and philosophical side to it.  It sure feels like Callie is helping me grow in a lot of different ways.

Callie Golden Retriever: “You leave my man alone!”

Monday, September 10th, 2012
Callie Golden Retriever (in the foreground of the photo) is the most social dog I've ever known.  She has countless doggie and people friends.  But that doesn't mean she's friends with everyone.  She's selective.  And she has a few favorites.  In this photo, she's visiting with her Lake Arrowhead neighbors, Reilly, Ruckus, and Rowdy. But yesterday, she did something that just blew me away.  In our home neighborhood, Callie has two special "boyfriends," Sampson, a yellow Labrador Retriever, and Lucky, a Golden Doodle.  We were walking with Cousin Maggie Golden Retriever (my daughter's dog), and joy-of-joys, for Callie, along walks her special friend Sampson.  Maggie is very friendly, too, but when Maggie tried to say "hello" to Sampson, Callie pushed herself in between Maggie and Sampson.  She wasn't going to let Maggie get anywhere near her "man."  Where's the camera when I need it? Don't dogs do the most amazing things sometimes? Have you seen dogs act like this before?  If so, please comment.

Paula Brown, Animal Behaviorist and Author of “Fur Shui” on the “My Doggie Says…” Show

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012
  Paula Brown, animal behaviorist, has written a delightful book titled "Fur Shui."  As you might guess, the book adapts the concepts of Feng Shui to our furry friends.  The book offers many insightful ideas about why our pets choose to be in certain parts of the house, or of a room.  It gave me some wonderful ideas as to why Callie decides to put herself in certain places at certain times.  One special treasure in the book is a simple map that shows how the spatial relationships and colors in a home, or room, can relate to life attitudes such as "helpful people," "creativity and children," "relationship," and five others. This is very fun and thoughtful reading.  It can also be a guide to decorating your home or room with colors that enhance the important attitudes. Here's Paula on the "My Doggie Says..." show:  

A Lesson You Can Learn from your Dog

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012
Here's one of life's important lessons that you can learn from your dog:  How to appreciate little things. This is one of my favorite sound bytes from the "My Doggie Says..." show.  In it, Dean Koontz, the famous author, describes how, at one time in his life, his Golden Retriever, Trixie, helped him see the world in a completely different and wondrous way.  In Dean's words, Trixie "made the familiar fresh again."  She helped him see "great beauty in mundane scenes."  He goes on to say, "Trixie reawakened in me an awareness of the mystery that's woven into the warp and weft of everything we perceive..." I really love this clip (2:28).  It's one of the best examples of the spiritual connection that can exist between a human and a dog.  A great example of a lesson you can learn from a dog.  

Your Dog’s Energy Level May Mirror Your Own

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012
Are you aware of your dog’s energy level? Can you sense when it goes up and down? Can you tell when your dog is “full of beans?” Can you tell when your dog is feeling down and drained of energy? Most of us don't pay attention to our own ups and downs, much less our dog’s energy changes. “Am I feeling robust and energetic?” Or, “Am I feeling down and lackadaisical?” Many of us go through energy ups and down every day without realizing it. But dogs may be different. My dog Callie and I play soccer every night or fifteen to twenty minutes, and, because of that, I've become pretty tuned in to my dog’s energy levels. Interestingly, this experience has put me more in tune with my own energy fluctuations. Our daily soccer match always starts with a burst of energy. Callie tracks me down, usually in my office, and gives me a very intense gaze. Her “look” means, “It’s time for our soccer game!” I start the game by kicking the soft, under-inflated ball almost the length of our backyard. Callie races after the ball and traps is under her tummy. Then I make a shorter and higher kick, and Callie leaps into the air and “bonks” the ball off her nose. We call it a “noser.” It's like a header but when you're a golden retriever your nose gets in the way. Sometimes we do a rapid volley of nosers. I kick the ball back to her as quickly as possible, and she leaps up and “bonks” the ball as hard as she can. This usually gets her really pumped up for a few minutes. But invariably, sometime during our game, I'll kick the ball to Callie and she'll just look at me, as the ball flies over her head and lands on the grass. It’s as if she’s saying, “What was that all about?” She makes no effort whatsoever to go after it. My next few attempts are likely to have the same result. It is as if she doesn't care about the game any more. So now I'm wondering, “Is there a way to get the game back on track?” Another thing I wonder is, “Is she mirroring my energy level?” For the next kick, I’ll run to the ball faster and try to project more energy. Sometimes that works. Callie senses my increased enthusiasm and reflects it with an outburst of harder “nosers” and faster chasing after the ball. Other times Callie ignores my new energy level and the ball flies over her head, and, once again, she looks at me like I'm crazy. Another trick I've tried is to "fake" an end to the game. I kick the ball back to our starting place and put it back on the chair where it sits when we're not playing. Sometimes Callie tries to play “keep away” so I can’t pick the ball up. She'll put a paw on the ball, for example, or trap it under her tummy, or position herself between me and the ball. After the ball has been back on its chair for a few seconds, I pick it up again and ask Callie if she wants to play. Usually by this time, she’s stationed herself in the middle of the yard and she's giving me that “let's play soccer” look again. So, starting over, I kick the ball toward her and she goes scampering after it. Usually this works, and it re-energizes her, at least for a few minutes. Sometimes I think this interaction is just about a dog’s energy level and enthusiasm for the game. At other times, it seems like she’s reflecting my energy -- or lack of energy. It probably also has something to do with focus and concentration -- both of which, I believe are closely related to energy expression. This energy interaction has been fascinating to follow. I've learned a lot about Callie’s energy levels as well as my own. There have been times when I was certain Callie was simply mirroring my energy -- that her lack of enthusiasm probably reflected the fact that I was distracted or thinking about something else. In these situations, I am able to regain the energy of the game by getting more enthusiastic and putting more into it myself. Sometimes I think that Callie’s enthusiasm has helped to spark my enthusiasm to a higher level which has led to some really fun “noser” volleys. Any way you look at it, this “energy exchange” has enriched my relationship with Callie. I understand her a little better -- and probably myself, as well. Try paying attention to your dog’s energy patterns!

Dog Behavior: “Your Dog is Your Mirror,” by Kevin Behan — on the “My Doggie Says…” Show

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011
Kevin Behan is a long-time dog behavior expert.  On the "My Doggie Says..." show, he talked about his noe book: "Your Dog is Your Mirror."

Kevin Behan on the "My Doggie Says..." Show:   Kevin Behan, dog behavior expert,  grew up on his parent’s farm in rural Connecticut immersed in a landscape of natural beauty and surrounded by dogs. Kevin’s father, John Behan, founded Canine College, trained dogs in the Canine Corps in WWII and was the first in America to train protection dogs for hospitals, police units, and even retail stores such as Macy’s. Kevin worked in his father’s kennel where he encountered every possible type of dog exhibiting every type of behavior. Consequently, Kevin grew up without judgment about dog behavior, even aggression, as everything dogs did was taken as a matter of course. Kevin trained his first dog, a poodle named Onyx, at age ten. As Kevin matured, so did his ideas about his experiences and the behaviors he witnessed. By carefully watching the workings of nature, Kevin began to see that what made the modern dog adaptable and trainable was not the dominance hierarchy, as taught to him by his father, but the dog’s ability to work as a cooperative group member in the hunt. Influenced by European police dog trainers and a German shepherding sage named Mannel, Kevin’s theories and techniques came together in the 1980′s as Natural Dog Training. Kevin then started his own kennel, Canine Arts, in Brookfield, Connecticut and published his first book, Natural Dog Training in 1992. Using techniques totally unique, Kevin has trained hundreds of police, protection, and border control dogs, as well as thousands of America’s pets. He has become the nation’s foremost expert on the rehabilitation of aggressive and problem dogs, which is now where he concentrates most of his work. A seasoned lecturer and seminar host, Kevin’s presentations go well beyond the training of dogs and into the very core of canine behavior. He has pioneered the Natural Dog Training movement with his articles and theories on energy, the linkage between dogs and emotion, prey vs. predator model, as well as instrumental training techniques like pushing and eye contact. Kevin now lives with his family on their 60-acre farm in beautiful Southern Vermont. His second book, Your Dog is Your Mirror: The Emotional Capacity of Our Dogs and Ourselves is now available in bookstores and online. He also actively participates in readers’ comments and conversations on the NDT site. Follow the Discussions here. Learn more about Kevin's work by clicking here.

Loving and Losing a Pet: Conversation with Barbara Abercrombie

Wednesday, December 14th, 2011
Barbara Abercrombie is the author of "Cherished: 21 Writers on Animals they have Loved and Lost." Hear Barbara talk about her experience in bonding with a pet and the process of grieving upon the loss of a pet.