MDS: By now, Barley, most of our readers have heard of the rent-a-dog concept. Thanks for agreeing to do this interview. Our readers are anxious to hear what it’s like to be a rent-a-dog.
So, Barley, start us out. What are your impressions of being a rent-a-dog?
Barley: Well, if it’s Tuesday, it must be Mr. Martin’s house. Most of the time I’m with my primary care person, but, on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, I’m with Mr. Martin. On Fridays I’m with Mrs. Thompson, and on Sundays I’m with Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. At least that’s how it’s been the last few weeks. They just added Mr. and Mrs. Robinson to my schedule.
MDS: So you have to adjust to their different life styles?
Barley: Yeah. My care person sleeps in ‘til about 8:00 every morning. But Mr. Martin gets up at 5:30 sharp and drags me out for a three-mile walk. It’s pretty tough sleeping until 8:00 one day and then dragging my doggie butt out of bed at 5:30 the next morning.
MDS: But you must like the three-mile walk with Mr. Martin.
Barley: I love it. We meet lots of people and other dogs. He has some really neat friends, and they have some really neat dogs. There’s this one Yellow Lab that I really like to play with, but he keeps asking me where I am the rest of the week. I’m really relaxed and calm after the walk with Mr. Martin. But Mrs. Thompson and the Robinsons don’t give me any exercise, so I just go nuts when I’m with them. And they wonder why I chew their furniture. Give me a break!
MDS: What are some of the other things that happen?
Barley: Well, I don’t know if you’re aware of this or not, but dogs are like wolves; they live by lots of “rules of the pack.†Mr. Martin seems to understand this. I totally look up to him as the alpha member of my pack. He really knows how to be an alpha leader. But Mrs. Thompson doesn’t have a clue. She lets me win all the time at tug-of-war. And when I jump up on her to test her a little, she just gets pissed off. She never puts me in my place. You’d be amazed at what I can get away with!
MDS: What else?
Barley: Well, the Robinsons love to have me sleep on their bed at night. When they go to bed, I jump up on this really cushy pillow-top mattress and snuggle right in between them. They just love it, and they give me lots of neat little scratches on my ear. So that’s on Sunday nights. But if I jump up on Mrs. Thompson’s bed, she kicks me half way across the room. Jerk!
MDS: Do you eat well?
Barley: Mrs. Thompson and the Robinsons feed me this holistic stuff, like they’re supposed to. But I’ve heard Mr. Martin say his vet recommends against it. So I’m confused. Mr. Martin lives pretty high on the hog, if you know what I mean. He eats premium filets almost every Tuesday night, and he gives me a few bites. Man, it doesn’t get any better than that. I wish the others weren’t so stingy with their people food.
MDS: How do your renters treat you?
Barley: I just have to keep them straight. Mr. Martin sends me out in the back yard to pee on the grass. But if I pee on Mrs. Robinson’s precious grass, she gets really pissed off. So…, if it’s Tuesday or Wednesday, it’s OK to pee on the grass. But on Sundays I have to pee on the street when the Robinsons take me out for little walks. Mrs. Thompson lives in an apartment, so she takes me out for a walk about every six hours.
MDS: Do your renters have other pets?
Barley: Yeah. That got me in big trouble once.
MDS: How so?
Barley: Well Mr. Martin worked with me, on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, at retrieving a fake pheasant. I guess he used to do a lot of hunting, and he wants me to learn how to retrieve birds in the field. But the first day I was at the Robinsons, I saw this thing that looked like a pheasant on a stand on their kitchen table. So I jumped up on a chair and then on the table and “fetched†the damned thing. It turned out to be their pet parrot. I guess they got it away from me before I hurt it, but they were pretty upset. So Tuesdays and Wednesdays I can fetch birds, but no birds on Sunday. Sometimes my doggie brain starts to turn to mush trying to remember all this stuff.
MDS: Dear Reader, please see tomorrow’s edition of the My Doggie Says… blog for Part II of the interview with Barley, a rent-a-dog.
